I have been trying really hard to try to make sense of this tragedy. But I don't think in times like this there is anything to make sense of. My life has been impacted by suicide since I was 10 years old. And it has continued to hit my life every few years. Everyone one of them just as terrible. This one has hit me so hard as I know it has so many others. Pastor Scott was the real deal and he impacted more lives than I will ever know.
I went to bed last night praying that what I read on the internet just simply wasn't true and the internet was just being evil. I woke up at 8 A.M sharp, grabbed my phone, let my dogs out, looked at my notifications and clicked on Facebook. The first thing I saw was Northstar Live (I never see that) so naturally I clicked on it to watch. And there it was confirmed and explained to the best of that Pastors ability. I decided to listen for the entire hour and worship and pray as they did. I needed to hear the message to RUN to God and to His word for comfort. Thankfully a little over a month ago Ivan and I finally found a church again. Moving away from Northstar and Losing my sister honestly just took a lot out of me. We tried a few churches, nothing felt right. Ivan works 60 hrs a week and going on Sundays felt like a chore. But one day a over a month ago I asked the girls and Ivan if they wanted to try out Life Church here in town and the rest is history really. We felt welcomed and all of us really enjoy it.
So this morning I was less than feeling like I wanted to step foot in Church. I am sad, I am broken. But the message I heard this morning made me go. When we got there they played God is Good and all the songs were ones we actually knew from Northstar which up to this week we have not known any. I sobbed. I wanted to walk out but I absolutely couldn't move. Then came the service. I opened my bible app and the first thing I see if 2 Corinthians 5. I decided I must need to read that Awaiting the new body. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with Lord. Message received loud and clear. Then came the sermon. I HAVE DECIDED to Make Everything Count. It was over ACTS 20:22-38. The sermon itself was not over what I will post exactly but it was the clear words I heard from Pastor Scott through the scripture I read in ACTS.
Acts 20:25-31New International Version
25 “Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. 26 Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of any of you. 27 For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God. 28 Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God,[a] which he bought with his own blood.[b] 29 I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. 30 Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them.
35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” 38 What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship.
The Message was clear today. He showed us the way. We need to continue to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I decided I would blog because I knew all of this would be to long for facebook. When I finally figured out how to log into my Blogger after all these years the first one I seen was titled That's why there's Grace by Kendall Payne which has been playing in my head all day (just another coincidence of my day) this was the first song I heard Erin Cagle sing in church and will forever be a favorite. I have so many memories of Pastor Scott and his family. Him and Northstar are a huge reason Ivan and I moved to Knoxville. We grew with that Church for over 6 years and came back every time we came for a visit after we moved. Ivan met so many Godly men through there. Scott prayed for us many times. He baptized us and Cheyenne and Alex. He touched every one of our lives. We will all miss him so.... I think we all put our pastors on pedistools a little to much. We need to also remember that even though we look up to them for guidance and the word, that they are still very much just people, human, flawed, and dealing with the same burdens and struggles as the rest of us. PRAY hard for our Pastors. Rest in Peace Pastor Scott Cagle
