That's why there's Grace!

I have a lot of time to think since I have about an hour drive to and from school now. On the way to school my main thoughts however are, please don't let me be late!! So on the way home I am more relaxed and absolutely love listening to music (or more so blaring it)... since the QC only has about 2-3 good stations (one being KLOVE) I switch between those and my ipod (Thank God for ipods)! I love this because I either cry out in worship or think about my love (hubby and kids that is)... for many who know us, know that Ivan is constantly breaking out in song either to me or just in general! He cracks me up and I tell him how silly he is but truth is I love it and I love him, and because he does this many songs make me think of him.

Well anyways~ often God will speak to me through music and tonight it was That's Why There's Grace by Kendall Payne. He told me I really needed to share these lyrics with those who don't know Him, who are broken and hurt, who can't forgive others or themselves, and who don't know what HE, and only He can do for us! And most importantly what He has already done for me. Without knowing His grace I could never be where I am today, or be the person I am today.This song explains it all, and so simply really.... (I couldn't get the lyrics to copy but here is the main chorus) and I posted the link to the video.

You can't find the reasons to believe anymore

But don't hide your thoughts from me

Cuz that's why I died, that's why I lived

I know EVERY part of YOU that you won't forgive

That's why I tried to reach you today

I know its hard to have faith through the pain

That's why there's grace

That's why there's grace

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=7DKYZWNX

This is being pretty transparent... but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Ivan and I have been married 10 1/2 years. He is my best friend and would say the same about me. We have had our ups and downs... way more ups!! We don't argue often (esp anymore) but we still get on that Crazy Cycle every once in awhile. I am proud to say it doesn't take us near as long to get off it now and realize just how stupid it is... so the reason I am saying all this is because, as any husband mine can drive me crazy at times, and just plain irritate me, like I said he is my best friend and knowing me as long as he has he knows all the right buttons to push (in more ways that one)... saying that, The other day he made me mad (after 10 yrs I have very little tolerance for certain things, one being the way he responds to me).... so short story is we had our "WORDS"... Few minutes later it was over and done with and he was cooking supper I believe in the kitchen... He looks up at me and says " Honey you know how I have told you before that I think your beautiful no matter what?", "well when you are gritting your teeth and cursing at me, its really not that pretty".... Now mind you, we both laughed because that is pretty dang funny.... all I could really think of was "I've seen my mom mad and I bet it looked just like that" (love you mom, but it is pretty scary) lol The other thing I thought was I hate when I let my temper get the best of me, and it doesn't happen to often, but when it does even my husband is scared ;-) So glad he loves me for me..

Oh and to prove just how well he knows me, a few minutes he said that to me, he also said, " and honey that really doesn't need to go on facebook"!! (Like I would do that) ... He didn't say anything about not posting it in my BLOG!!!

That's why there's Grace!

I have a lot of time to think since I have about an hour drive to and from school now. On the way to school my main thoughts however are, please don't let me be late!! So on the way home I am more relaxed and absolutely love listening to music (or more so blaring it)... since the QC only has about 2-3 good stations (one being KLOVE) I switch between those and my ipod (Thank God for ipods)! I love this because I either cry out in worship or think about my love (hubby and kids that is)... for many who know us, know that Ivan is constantly breaking out in song either to me or just in general! He cracks me up and I tell him how silly he is but truth is I love it and I love him, and because he does this many songs make me think of him.

Well anyways~ often God will speak to me through music and tonight it was That's Why There's Grace by Kendall Payne. He told me I really needed to share these lyrics with those who don't know Him, who are broken and hurt, who can't forgive others or themselves, and who don't know what HE, and only He can do for us! And most importantly what He has already done for me. Without knowing His grace I could never be where I am today, or be the person I am today.

This song explains it all, and so simply really.... (I couldn't get the lyrics to copy but here is the main chorus) and I posted the link to the video.

You can't find the reasons to believe anymore

But don't hide your thoughts from me

Cuz that's why I died, that's why I lived

I know EVERY part of YOU that you won't forgive

That's why I tried to reach you today

I know its hard to have faith through the pain

That's why there's grace

That's why there's grace

Praising God!

First I will start with an update on our move back to Iowa. We left on Thur Dec. 22nd. We were suppose to put our stuff in storage, a building our (suppose to be landlord) had. Well we couldn't get a hold of him for about 2 days so we had no choice but to put some of our stuff in my mom's basement and the rest in a shed that Ivan's sister doesn't use. It wasn't ideal but it worked! So we finally got a hold of our "landlord" after the holidays to find out he was still in the nursing home recuperating from an accident and didn't want us to move into the trailer we had set up. In the meantime we were staying with my mom in her finished basement.

Then we thought we had an apartment to rent and that fell through. We finally found one and moved into it yesterday. It is a lot bigger and nicer than the first so it was definitely meant to be.

Ivan has been putting in many applications but as of now he hasn't gotten anything. Tomorrow is another day!

I however could work some for a friend of mine doing home health care for a wealthy couple but with one car and not knowing what Ivan's schedule will be, plus me starting school in a week, that is not very easy to do! I of course will have to if Ivan doesn't get a job soon though.

My college has been giving me the run around. I applied for financial aide months ago and I was told I was on suspension, then I was told by two ladies I was NOT and it was a mistake, come to find out I was, so I had to deal with that today when school starts next week! When I got to the college I was told to go many different places, and do things that were wrong. Long story short it took me over 3 hrs to get done what should have maybe take 1 hr.... all of which I needed to be home unpacking boxes!

Needless to say our 1st few weeks here have not been easy and nothing has went according to "OUR" plan!! To be honest this isn't even the half of it, I chose to leave out any drama!

Although I know that God is in control of all things, today I let all of this get the best of me. I was in bad mood and I just wanted to give up. I don't usually have a problem with keeping optimistic but financially and emotionally I feel depleted!

On our way home tonight from Wal-mart (which ALWAYS adds to a great day...NOT) we were listening to KLOVE and the song Beautiful Things came on. I turned it on and just zoned out and put all my focus on God alone. He spoke to me " Can you still Praise me?" , "Through all of this going on, can you see ME?" and the truth was for awhile I couldn't, I had let myself have a pity party... But my life is good, I am blessed. God makes beautiful things, I have my husband, kids, a roof over my head, clothes, and food... I have no idea how we will pay our bills, or what tomorrow looks like but What more do I honestly need? NOTHING.... Praise God!

My calling!

God has gave me so much to blog about lately but my brain is so scattered with moving next week and all that entails that to focus on just ONE thought is about impossible! I decided I would try to blog but it will probably end up rambling, OH WELL!

So 1st of all I watched THE HELP the other night, WOW but a sad movie... It was very hard for me to watch, and the main reason was because of how awful the white mothers treated their children. That is when I truly realized (even though I already knew this) that being a mother is truly a calling. Anyone can have kids (well some can't but you know what I mean), but not everyone can be a mother, a truly good mother... For as long as I can remember (about age 3 or 4) that, that is ALL I ever wanted... I just wanted to be a MOM. My parents bought me baby dolls and I treated them as my babies, I had to dress them, feed them, cover them up, etc... They even bought me very expensive dolls that I still have, that you could program and they grew up from an infant to toddler, Ironically the baby was called "Baby Heather". I loved that doll... Anyways being a mother is the only TRUE thing I love with all my heart and soul... I like my job as a nurse but would much rather just treat people for free, or for missions, I have NO desire to work full time as one. I thank GOD everyday for my perfect beautiful children... and will strive everyday to raise them to be Christ-like. I hope they will let Jesus shine through them to so many people who don't know Him. I can feel that God has huge plans for my family, I don't know what it looks like but He is preparing me for anything, and I am willing!

2nd I am so mixed with emotions on moving... I mean don't get me wrong I can't wait to see my family but Ivan and I love Knoxville so much it will be hard to move for 6 months... the one and only thing getting me thru this is keeping my eyes on "GOD"... I know this is what He wants us to do for whatever reason... It isn't the "EASY" thing to do, it isn't the "realistic" thing to do but it is HIS plan, and I know by being obedient He will bless it. It won't be easy and the satan will attack as always but we are ready and prepared as much as we can. I know God will bring us back to Knoxville soon, I don't know what that will look like either, He has put a few different things on my heart so i will just keep praying about them. Just continue to pray for us, as we will need much of it!!

3rd... God has been showing me just how blessed I am to have a husband who is my very best friend, who is my soul-mate, who I love more today than I ever could have 11 years ago, more than I could even imagine... A love that still makes my heart beat fast when he calls me or texts me to tell me he loves me and misses me while he is at work... A husband who sings to me, and is silly... A husband who I am honestly never sick of seeing and can't get enough of... My hearts desire was to have a man who was my prince charming, that when I watched a romantic movie I thought of, when I heard a love song I could relate.... No my life isn't a fairy tale but my love for him could be. He can read my thoughts (thank goodness because some days it is more like charades trying to figure out what i am saying)... A husband who works hard to provide for me and his family, and who appreciates me and all I do to take care of him and our kids. We have went through many rough times but the fact that he wants nothing more than to be a good husband to me and does everything he can to become a better man, a more Godly man... that is all that matters to me! I am ONE lucky lady!

That was a little all over the place, but that was everything on my heart lately! Won't have time to blog til after the big move I'd say!

Just a quick post... Packing and Moving

Well since I haven't had time to blog much I thought I would real quick. I have been busy packing up our home so that we can move in with my sister for one month and then to Iowa for 6 months so that I can finish my nursing degree!

I can't lie it is pretty hard. I have moved many times but in my eyes it was easier because I associated it as bettering ourselves, as in a bigger place or a nicer home etc. Well we love our home and we love our neighborhood so that isn't the case this time. This time we are moving to be obedient to God and that is a lot harder than it seems sometimes. We are so glad we are and wouldn't want it. My heart knows this but my flesh says look what you are giving up, its all materialistic though, nothing that will really better me.

So in the long run it will be good. We will be downsizing and living a little more frugal. We will have to be more creative with our time than just watching TV. It will be great and is actually exactly what I asked for from God in prayer, I just had NO idea what it would look like when He answered.

I also have learned from all this packing that MORE is NOT better!! lol We have WAY more than we need and are not in any way hurting for things!! One good thing about moving is getting rid of stuff!

Well I hope this makes sense because I wrote it very fast and have no time to proof read!

Lately!

Well I haven't blogged in awhile so I thought I would take a few minutes just to fill in what we have done since my last blog. (Good thing I have a planner that I write everything down in or I could never remember) ;-)

Lets see Ivan and I had a date night on Friday Oct. 21. We went to Chili's for supper and came home a watched a movie I believe... Ya we are very exciting aren't we?!

I had a garage sale that Saturday. It wasn't a great turn out! We didn't sell much... I found a few good deals on clothes for the kids that's about it. Then Alex had a soccer game that night. He did great and so did his whole team! I love watching him play, he has such passion for sports!

Sunday we went to Church 1st service and then spent the day as a family at Oakes Farm Pumpkin Patch and Corn Maze. Alex's friend Sam and his family were there also so that was quite an awesome coincidence!

Monday I took CPR for at least the 15th time in my life thus far! BLAH... but it was quick and easy so it was all good! We also sold Alex's car bed!! Woo hoo (one less thing to move)

We carved pumpkins on Tuesday night... Foofa and the red angry bird! Ivan does a great job carving our pumpkins! We also ordered Marco's pizza because it was 1st grade night and all the 1st graders decorated pizza boxes so we got Alex's box!!

Wednesday was C.O.W and Life Group. All the men met at The Kluemper's like normal but the women went to a woman's house who is dying from some unknown health issues. We cleaned and organized many areas of her house, and brought her food. It was great to help someone in need.

Friday it rained and rained and rained so we did NOTHING!! Alex spent the night with Uncle Dennis to go hunting for youth season on Saturday. Ivan went to work Saturday morning from 6-11am. Then we took the girls horse back riding in the Smokies! It was a lot of fun! Then we went to Kendra's for a Nerf War. We stayed there for 2 hrs or so. Then Kendra and I went shopping... and we SOLD the van! THANK GOD!!

Sunday we went to Church 2nd service, we ran a few errands and I helped Cheyenne with her school project that is due this week!!

Besides all the many things we have done in the last week or so I am trying not to be overwhelmed or stressed by the stuff I have to get done... including packing our entire house in 3 weeks and moving it to storage and moving into my sister's. Also I have very mixed emotions about moving. I can't wait to see my family and friends and get my RN and know that I am obeying God's plan and following his path... but it is hard to think about leaving Knoxville (our home, in our hearts), our Church and Church family, and just everything that we love... to go to Iowa in the middle of WINTER, in Moscow in the middle of NOWHERE, in a trailer next to the railroad tracks with NO TV (let alone DVR)... Yes to me this will be roughing it, but if anything this just shows me exactly why God wants me to move... to see that I can DO without!! I need to focus on school and what is important... Christ and my family!

Ivan and I have been laughing and saying I do not know how we will make it thru the winter there when the kids and I both have said how cold we are when it is between 40 and 50 degrees!! UGH!!